Questions to Stop Asking Your Twenty-Something Coworker

What are your hobbies? / What do you like to do in your spare time?

It’s a fan-favorite in interviews, but will occasionally come in up in general office banter. This question takes a close second to “so, why are you single?” for my least favorite question of all time.  First of all, what is spare time?  I don’t know what that is…? I’m genuinely confused on how so many people have children…Most days I’m barely functioning past 7pm, so I can’t imagine coming home to someone who needs me to like, feed them or something. But on days where I manage to find a free hour that doesn’t involve sleeping, working, eating, or working out (NOT to be confused for a hobby), it usually DOES involve large amounts of pinot noir and E! Network. I mean, you can’t really expect me to answer this question honestly.  So I have to give a watered-down PG version that sounds something like:

“Um, I like to read my twitter feed…and books 12 years below my reading level like The Hunger Games, I like to meet new people at the club after 4 vodka sodas, and I enjoy traveling to the mall and spending money I don’t have… just normal stuff I guess!

Got any plans this weekend?

My weekend typically goes one of two ways.  It’s kind of like a “choose your own adventure” novel. I either take the anti-social route, or the social-butterfly route. It generally depends on a few key factors like weather, potential amount of fun, whether or not I’ll have to wear heels, level of exhaustion, etc. Either way, to talk about it with you would be uncomfortable.  There’s a 50% chance I watched the entire season of some show you’ve never heard of, only leaving the couch for the occasional snack. I’m not proud of it, but it happens. If I opted to throw caution to the wind, and embrace my youth… I probably abused my liver. Definitely NSFW.  So each week I’m usually forced to say something like “no plans yet.”  You definitely think I’m sort of weird cat lady, but it’s just safer this way.

What’s the point of Instagram (or any social media site)?

I can’t help you.  If you have to ask, it’s too late for you.  I commend you for trying, but there is not enough time in a day.

What are you working on right now?

This is a trap. To answer it would require me to reveal that I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s best to be as vague as possible and throw in some corporate buzzwords (or your industries’ equivalent).  My personal favorites are: “synergy”, “move the needle”,  and “game changer.” Works like a charm.

My computer’s not working, what’s wrong with it?

They don’t pay me enough for this.

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