Thank God I Was Born in the 90s(ish)

Sure, there are plenty of reasons that being born within 5ish years of 1990 really blows:

  • “Dating” = opening an app, looking at a person’s picture, and sliding them to your “yes” or “no” pile (that’s why I’m single, okay Grandma?!). [To my older readers, yes this is a real thing. It’s an app called Tinder, and it’s proof that we are a society in decline.]
  • Obsessive use of WebMd. On any given day, I have about two weeks to live, Have you heard of Pig Flu? I think I have Pig Flu.
  • Generally, we can’t drive a stick-shift, operate a record player, or use a phone book.  Basically, if it doesn’t have a touch screen, we don’t get it.

But the other day it dawned on me, that if I were born literally any other decade of the last century, I would’ve had a very short, miserable life. Natural selection would’ve kicked in, and I would most certainly die churning my own butter, or of a severe paper-cut from my Rolodex. Here are a few reasons why you should remember that you grew up #BLESSED.

Google

There is not a question I cannot answer. As long as you give me eight seconds, I am the smartest person in the room.  I use Google at least 19 times a day (sorry Bing). What’s the capital of Sri Lanka?  How many ounces in a quart? What’s Justin Bieber’s middle name?  Who’s Adele’s baby daddy? I think we forget that our parents and grandparents didn’t grow up in a world where these pertinent questions could be answered instantaneously.  Be thankful. (Answers: Colombo, 32, Drew, and a dude named Simon Konecki, respectively).

Maps

I think there are probably only seven times within the last year where I got in the car and actually knew where I was going. I just fire up my Maps app, and we’re good to go… Can you imagine the anxiety of being lost and not having Siri guide you to the light?  The horror. Plus, have you tried to read a real map recently? You have to turn them, yourself. With your own hands. Barbaric.

Cell Phones

I mean, this is obvious. But let’s play a game- try and go an hour without using your phone. Half of you are already “out,” because you’re reading this from your phone. I cannot imagine my life sans-cell. How would I tell people that I’m running late?  How would I pre-order my Chipotle? How would people understand how good my dinner was if I COULDN’T INSTA IT FROM THE RESTAURANT?! Good God.

And the list goes on…

Facebook: Blind dates used to be a whole lot more “blind.” Terrifying. NO thanks..

Computers: I just don’t understand what people did all day at work? Like, imagine your current job, and now imagine doing it with a typewriter…?

Mobile Banking: Balance a checkbook? Mmm how bout, no.

Netflix/OnDemand/DVR: How did people decide between The Grammys and The Bachelor Wedding if they’re both on at 8?

So, the next time you see your parents, your coworkers, or really any stranger about 30+, give them a hug, tell them you’re sorry.  They grew up in a much crueler world.

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AND on top of all this, we we were lucky enough to grow up with some the best music this world has ever seen. #TBT

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