10 Things From Your Teenage Years That You Definitely Don’t Miss

This blog is essentially dedicated to whining about life in your twenties. Filing your taxes.  Applying for health benefits.  Rush hour traffic. Trying to decode if someone is flirting or just being nice.  These are all things we must deal with as twentysomethings, and they suck. But a recent trip to the mall reminded me that life as a teenager (might) suck more. I was at Forever21, (probably a sign that I need to just stop shopping there, but they have scarves for like $4. FOUR DOLLARS.) when all of a sudden I realized I was in a swarm of fourteen year-olds.  Momentarily blinded by their braces and pink UGGs, and choking on their over-applied Victoria’s Secret body spray, I took my scarf and got the hell outta there. Anyway, this (traumatizing) experience got me thinking about things I bet you don’t miss from your early teens:

  1. Buying a blue shirt at Hollister, only to walk out and realize it’s actually green. Apparently even though they’re selling t-shirts that say stupid stuff like “Surf Club” to a bunch of kids who’ve never been to California for $45, they still can’t afford to turn on the lights.
  2. Using your parents as a taxi service. For everything. And hating them when they picked you up too early (omg embarrassing) or too late (did you forget you had a kid, Mom?!).
  3. Low-ride jeans that pretty much started a solid four inches below your hip bones. “I hope I don’t have to bend down today.” My daily prayer from about 2003-2008.
  4. T9. Running out of texts per month. Flip phones. 
  5. Drinking fake drinks from Starbucks. “Um hi, can I have Strawberries & Cream Frappuccino?” YOU CAN, BUT YOU SHOULDN’T.
  6. Lying. “Are Jessie’s parents okay that you’re spending the night?” Aw, that’s cute that you think her parents are gonna be there. “What are you kids up to tonight?” Pictionary..?
  7. Secret liquor cabinet mixology. Okay, so my parents won’t notice if I take a little bit from each bottle… So how about I just put them all in one empty water bottle and bring it to the party? Yum.
  8. “Call me when you get there.” (except… ten years later I still have to do this.)
  9. Stressing over about which friends would make it in your MySpace “Top 8”… *~ LoVe YoU GiiRlsSs ~*
  10. Smelling like the set of Magic Mike every time you left Abercrombie… and weirdly liking it?

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Hey Mom, thanks for being chill about the child pornography on the walls whilst we shop. xo.

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