Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I mean, any day revolved around eating so much that you put yourself into a mashed potato-induced coma is a great day in my book. Family, friends, and food are the holy trinity of happiness, and then add the fact that the whole house smells like a Pumpkin Spice Latte… Thanksgiving wins. But going home for Thanksgiving isn’t always
rainbows and butterflies pilgrims and turkey (?) (yeah, I don’t know). In many cases, this is the first time you’ve seen your extended family in months, and while you know they’re coming from a good place, you spend most of dinner answering some pretty painful questions. This guide should help you navigate the conversation.
Question: “Are you seeing anyone? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
Translation: ”So…are you a lesbian, or what?”
What you want to say: ”For the hundredth freaking time, no. I don’t. Why? I don’t know? Maybe because… nobody likes me?! Maybe because spending my Friday evening watching re-runs of The Mindy Project with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s sounds more appealing to me than putting on real pants and pretending to be charming for three hours… Back off.”
What you should say: ”No, not right now, I’m really focused on work.” Smile. “Could you pass the gravy?”
Question: “How’s work going?”
Translation: Either, “I don’t understand what you do” or “Your chosen career path is unpractical, and you’re probably never going to make any money.”
What you want to say: ”Mmm, it’s fine. When am I eligible for retirement, again?”
What you should say: It’s great, I’m learning a lot! How are things with you?
Question: “Have you lost weight?”
Translation: “You’re only kinda fat.”
What you want to say: “Are we gonna play this game every year? My weight fluctuates, okay?”
What you should say: Laugh politely. “Maybe a few pounds.” Try not to go back for thirds.
Question: “Does anybody want more wine?”
Translation: “This conversation is too boring to have sober.”
What you want to say: “Yeah, why don’t you just do me a favor and leave the bottle next to me.”
What you should say: “I’ll take a little.”
Question: “You really like that pumpkin pie, huh?”
Translation: “Is that your fourth or fifth piece, fatty?”
What you want to say: “Alright Aunt Susan, you ain’t a size 2, let’s mind our own business.”
What you should say: “So good! Did you make this from scratch?!”
Good luck and happy Thanksgiving!
Unrelated, thanks for reading ATN! I’m new to the blogosphere (ew) and I so appreciate your sharing, liking, reblogging, posting, etc!