Cubicle Chronicals: 10 Things You Should Probably Consider Unless You Want Everyone to Hate You

At work, you have your set responsibilities- these are explicit measurable tasks that likely someone told you to do.  But in addition to these, there are certain unsaid expectations: don’t be late, only eat one donut at the weekly meeting, shower, etc.  The most important of these expectations, however, is abiding by the Cubicle Code of Conduct.  Most people don’t know what the Code of Conduct entails, let alone that one exists, so their coworkers just hate them.  Luckily for you, I’m going to spell it out.

  1. If you can’t walk in heels, don’t wear them.  No one wants to listen to the clanking of your feet sliding around.  Plus it’s just kind of sad to watch.
  2. Celery, pretzels, carrots are all horrible snacks. I can hear you chewing from across the hall.  Stick to coffee like the rest of us.
  3. Sometimes eating lunch at your desk is unavoidable, but Spicy Curry Chicken, really?  It’s an assault on my nostrils, and I have things to do.
  4. Keep your personal calls to a minimum. I can’t ignore your conversations, and one day I’m going to accidentally ask you about your divorce that you never technically told me about.  This all could’ve been avoided if you didn’t call your lawyer every day.
  5. Typing like Mavis Beacon on speed doesn’t make me think you’re working any harder, chill out.
  6. Either go to the doctor or get a tissue, because STOP SNIFFING.
  7. Using headphones to drown out office noise? Cool.  Having the music so loud so that I know you have Stage 5 Bieber Fever?… a lot less cool.
  8. Spend your “break time” wisely. If I catch you playing Candy Crush too often I’m going to start resenting the fact that I have more work than you… and I get paid less.
  9. Stop scheduling 7:45 meetings – you’re not tricking anyone.  Everyone knows we aren’t starting til 8.
  10. SPELL. CHECK. 

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